Panic

2:34pm

I am waiting outside her school for class to finish. It is a Monday, so she would usually catch the bus home by herself. The school bell will ring at 3:05 and the children catching the bus will come out at around 3:15. I am parked a few metres behind the bus stop, I managed to get a good spot, I arrived about an hour ago. I will meet her before she reaches the bus, and I will tell her that I am here to take her home. That I am a friend of her parents.

I’ve never been so anxious. I have been wiping the sweat off my palms on the sides of the car seat for about 20 minutes now. This is it. I can’t believe I’m actually going through with it. I know exactly what I’m going to do, I’ve gone over it a million times, but I still can’t see myself actually doing it. But I’m here. I’m writing now to take my mind off it.

I feel so criminal, it’s like all those ‘don’t ride with strangers’ warnings from back at school. Damn I’m hyperventilating. But this is different, this isn’t abduction, this is freedom. She wants to talk to me, she made that clear I remember, but she doesn’t know how important it really is for us to meet again.

This is destiny, I can’t do anything else, there’s nowhere else for me to go. I have to talk to her. This impending conversation is one I’ve had countless times over in my mind, for weeks now. There’s a lifetime of things I want to say, things she must know, things she’d want to know. Eventually we can make up for all the time we’ve been apart; this is the first step. She doesn’t have to suffer any more, she will find this out soon.

My hands are shaking so typing is becoming difficult. Ok maybe if I stop thinking about it I’ll calm down.

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